Review: FEATURE "POSTECH Is Being FIlled with Thankful Mind"
Review: FEATURE "POSTECH Is Being FIlled with Thankful Mind"
  • Soonhyo Kim (CE 13)
  • 승인 2013.06.05 19:06
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Day of Thanks Needs More Attention
The article “POSTECH Is Being Filled with Thankful Mind” seems to have a few problems in its focus and in its tone. To begin with, the main purpose of this article is unclear. There seems to be no particular organization of paragraphs to highlight a main theme. The focus of this article is ALPHA’s “Day of Thanks” activity, but the majority of the article is written about the statistics of POSTECHIANs’ satisfaction and dissatisfaction; only a single paragraph is dedicated in explaining the activity. Furthermore, the activity was mentioned only at the end of the article, which is not the best placement for a central idea to be written. Rather than a list of numerous statistics, inserting further explanation on ALPHA’s event and its predicted results seems to be a better choice. For example, expanding on a trigger motivation which made ALPHA open this event or its predicted results of this event would bring “Day of Thanks” more into focus.
The vocabulary that the reporter chose has a subjective tone in it. A news article is to be presented to the society, where many people with different opinions and thoughts exist. A subjective statement or tone may result in biased communication. At the end of paragraph 4, the reporter used vocabulary such as “In case of…” and “should work together”. These words were either vague or overly suggestive. Words such as “should” have a sense of pressurization on the readers; it feels like the author is convincing with oppression. On the other hand, phrases like “It can be guessed” or “In case of” lack a sense of firmness; it makes the authors feel skeptic about the statement that these phrases were used. Rather than “In case of parts with less satisfaction, members of POSTECH should work together…” (Paragraph 4), a sentence such as “To support areas of which members of POSTECH felt less satisfied, the ALPHA…” seems to fit better.
Lastly, the conclusion of the article seems somewhat awkward. The concluding sentence is in a paragraph of which its focus is supposed to be on ALPHA and “Day of Thanks”. The tone the reporter wrote this sentence gives a sense of urgency as if the reporter was in a hurry to finish the article. Additionally, awkward phrasing such as “Why don’t you” is not the best way to end an article; the phrase sounds as if the author were to force his/her opinion into the readers’ minds. Phrases such as “How about” or “Perhaps” sound more generous and suggesting.