I have never worn the right size of clothes since I was a kid. Regardless of my taste, I always wore big clothes, hoping to be taller. The decisions I made before I entered POSTECH were no different. I went to a boarding school even though I hated group life. I chose a natural science track even though I liked Korean more than math, and entered a STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics)-based university even though I was not that good at chemistry. I seemed to have attempted something beyond my ability no matter what I liked or wanted. My school life was not easy, just as wearing uncomfortable clothes that do not fit me. I could not judge doable tasks and even likable jobs.
I tried to find the right size of clothes this semester. I was asked to take control of my every-day life, because I was placed in a new environment called the university. It seemed natural to have no plan, because I could not find out which direction I wanted to go to. Also, it was hard to figure out my taste and desires since I did not know what I wanted to do. No plan meant no autonomy. I decided to focus on my interests since then.
As a result, I did a lot of reckless and embarrassing things even for a freshman with a fluttering heart. The goal was to experience as much as possible. So I saw, felt, and learned new things and reminded myself of important values by meeting many people through numerous group activities. A case in point was becoming a reporter of The Postech Times with great ambition without sufficient preparation that meets my satisfaction. Working as a reporter, I managed to discern the difference between what I wanted to write, what I could write, and what I had to write irrespective of my penchant. Life as a reporter taught me the difference between what I can do and what I ought to do.
The fact that the clothes I favor, the clothes I could wear, and the clothes that fit me being all different is easy to understand. However, it took me quite a long time to realize this simple thing; noticing and dealing with what I like and what I can do. I finally came to understand my present tastes and limitations after all those meaningful struggles. Another lesson I have learned is, whether by my volition or others’ intention, it was the process of finding garments with a perfect fit. Doing a variety of activities, I have categorized achievable and non-achievable missions. Some missions were of my preferences and others were not my cup of tea. Sorting missions, I finally understand that my experiences were part of the process of understanding myself.
Some of my clothes have become small since I grew taller than I expected, some of them fit my body as I grew, and some still do not fit my body. So are the things that have passed through me. There are some hardships that I have already overcome and some yet to be overcome. The latter I believe will include adversity which demands perspiration and hard work to overcome. What I have done to find my taste will also be classified into three cases I referred above and remembered. I hope the big clothes I am wearing now to be the right ones for me tomorrow. While the clothes are still flapping and uncomfortable, I hope they are to be remembered as an attempt to find the clothes that suit and match me. I believe the rest of my life in POSTECH is the process of finding the perfect clothes only just for me.